I did not hear from my sister for a few days. I knew she was ok (breathing but delusional) because she'd spoken with my parents. She began calling me every few minutes around 6 pm on Saturday. I was trying to sleep as I work the graveyard shift on the weekends so I did not answer. I couldn't bear to hear her abuse. Mom says that we are experiencing something similar to domestic violence - constantly berated, insulted, threatened, and terrorized by a person we have an emotional connection with. I'm reaching the point where I don't want this in my life anymore. I know she is sick and she is not in control of the things she says and does. I know her calls and texts are a cry for help. But there is no help. It is exhausting and painful to fight her and fight for her at the same time.
If I don't answer she usually gives up after a while. This time she was persistent. When I turned off my cell she began calling my home phone. Eventually, I picked up. She screamed, ranted, threatened and accused me like usual. I tried to calm her down but everything I say she argues with, even when I agree with her. I told her I wasn't going to argue about things that are not real. She said, "they're real to me, you fucking inbred bitch! They happen to me over and over!" I feel so sorry for her. But I'm used to this now. I'm unfazed by the swearing, name-calling, and insane accusations. For the most part, I am numb. It is the only way I can survive witnessing my beautiful sister's decline.
When I arrived at work I turned my phone back on hoping she would give it a rest. She called right away. When I answered resigning myself to another session of vitriol, loathing and hallucinations, I heard heartbreaking sobs. The kind of crying that signifies desperation and hopelessness. This new development terrified me! She sounded so broken I was afraid she would hurt herself. I said, "what can I do to help you? I will do anything to help you! I don't want you to suffer like this anymore!" She sobbed, "just leave me alone, stop doing what you're doing to me!" I said, "I'm not doing anything to you. It's the voices!" I started to cry and hung up. I called the mental health crisis hotline for St. Louis County. Tammy answered. I told her the situation and then she began interrogating me. She asked what I wanted done. I told her my sister needs to be hospitalized. She told me "by law she is not sick enough" for them to do anything! Not sick enough! She is sicker than she has ever been! Mental health care providers really have figured out how to avoid doing their jobs! When the mentally ill are in a health crisis they are conveniently "not sick enough" to receive care and when a tragedy occurs they are are reviled and deemed unworthy of care.
Sunday afternoon she began calling Mom. She became so wild that Mom called the Crisis Hotline. The stress, worry, dread and helplessness we have been living with for months is elephantine. She was a little hostile, and the Hotline operator hung up on her! My sister called back screeching, "listen to this my fucking bitch of a mother!" The next thing Mom heard was what sounded like everything in my sister's apartment breaking. She has been threatening to break all the windows in her apartment and slit her wrists with the glass. Mom was convinced this is what she was doing so she called 911. We've called 911 several times and they have gone over and done a safety check. This time they took my sister to the hospital.
The officer called Mom to inform her they would be taking her to St. Luke's. They called back a short time later because St. Luke's did not have any beds available and they had to transport her to St. Mary's. The nurse at St. Mary's called to get some info about my sister and told Mom they were also full and she would keep us updated about they were going to send her. Hours later they called to say they wanted to bring her to Austin, MN but could only do that if we were willing to give her a ride home! Austin is over 4 hours away from Duluth where my sister lives and 5 hours away from my parent's home. My parents agreed to pick her up when she is released.
Sister is heading to Austin. We'll see what happens there.
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