August 14 Dad was hospitalized in Bemidji. Sister and her friend S drove down that night. Sister and I saw each other for the first time in at least 9 months. We said hi over our father's sickbed. Dad was in ICU awaiting surgery the following day. I mostly tried to avoid looking her in the eye as that is one of NAMI's guidelines for dealing with the mentally ill. My strategy was to avoid her as much as possible. I didn't want to do anything to antagonize her. I was afraid she would attack me or pull out Dad's IVs. I didn't really think she would but it was a concern and something I wanted to prevent.
She doesn't like crowds, hospitals, the heat, or stress. She has to deal with all of those things in this crisis. Dad is her hero and has been her link to the family. He has taken a lot of her abuse but has kept open lines of communication with her. Sister loves Dad dearly and deserves to be with him. Whether she knows it or not she needs Mom and I, too.
Sister and S camped. S is an old hippie and brought her tent. The last night they stayed at the Akeley campground which is close to my house. Sister came over to use the bathroom and plug her phone in. She went outside to smoke. When she came back in she said she'd be back later to get her phone and left. I kept smelling cigarette smoke. I don't think she went back to her campsite. I think she was lurking outside watching me 45 minutes.
Sister did pretty well considering the circumstances. When she started to glare at me I left the room. She became angry a few times and Mom told her to calm down or leave the room. Dad was moved out of ICU August 19. Sister returned to Duluth the next day.
August 21 Dad began to decline and had another operation. He is in ICU again. He has a breathing tube and is heavily sedated. Sister drove back to Bemidji. We spoke a few times on the phone. We had a normal conversation. Well, if it's normal to talk about your Dad having surgery. While she didn't sound quite like my sister and best friend, she didn't sound like a homicidal maniac. She stayed at my house. I locked my bedroom door. She did yell a few times. But this is not a fun or easy situation for anyone.
Oh fuck! Sister just called me and that insane tone is back in her voice and she demanded to know where I was. When I said I was at work she said, "Well, you better cancel it! You better come take care of your Mother! Right now! Cuz I am sick of this shit!" Mom called me a minute later and said that she started acting weird and freaked out. She said she is by her car. Mom doesn't want her to drive when the voices are bad.
She does not know where I work. I was hired by a bank a few months ago and during my first week Sister called the bank and told them they should not have hired me because I'm a drug addict and a thief. They didn't believe it and they didn't fire me. I explained the situation but I always felt like the other employees treated me differently after that. I never felt comfortable working there. Is it worse to be a drug addict and a thief or to have a crazy sister who calls your place of employment and says you are?
The real question is if Sister's car is at my house after work do I walk in the door and say hi or do I call the cops?
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
commitment
I'm disheartened by the way Sister's illness has progressed since her return from CA. Things have only gotten worse. On Monday, July 22 Sister's best friend from childhood and high school called to inform us that Sister had been calling her repeatedly since Friday. Sister would whisper into the phone "I'm going to cut you" and "you deserve to die." A was calm but has two small children and was understandably frightened. She had tolerated the phone calls as long as possible. Years ago Sister had made threatening phone calls to A. A knows that Sister has schizophrenia. She doesn't want her to be punished, she wants the phone calls to stop.
Mom called the ACT team. They called A and instructed her to contact the police. She did and the police picked her up and took her to Miller Dwan.
In the meantime Sister called me and told me that she had been threatening A and since I had not stopped abusing her or fucking Ryan she was going to call my childhood best friend's mother and torment her! I told her that was a great idea and she should definitely do that because then she would go to jail or to the hospital forever! Ok, this is admittedly not my best moment. But I am tired of this! I have always proclaimed for everyone to hear that Sister is the best person I know. That's not true anymore. Now she is an angry, violent, unreasonable, delusional, insane person. We've done all we can for her.
When Mom called the ACT team she broke down and cried. She asked why Sister was only prescribed 100 mg of Clozaril when the recommended dose is 300-450 mg. She is taking 1/3 of the proper dose! Before she went to CA she was taking 200 mg which was not enough. Patti had the psychiatric nurse listen in and talk via speakerphone. She explained that she told Sister to increase her dosage and sister always says she will but she does not. Dr. Glick no longer deals with Sister and has passed her on to the psychiatric nurse. Seems cruel for (both patient and professional) to give someone fresh out of college and doing an internship a difficult case! Then Mom started screaming, "well, put her in the hospital then! Or shoot her! Just kill her! Please just have the police shoot her because she can kill us but I can't live with it if she hurts A or someone else! Just put us all out of our misery and shoot her!"
Sister stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks. During this period she called Mom repeatedly and begged her for help. She said A was falsely accusing her. She admitted to calling A but claimed while she did whisper she didn't say anything violent or threatening. During these calls she seemed like her old self. She was extremely distressed and hurt to be accused of terrorizing her oldest friend. This confused Mom. She found herself believing Sister. She began to wonder if A could be making everything up. I tried to explain that this was not new behavior for Sister, it was new to us because we had never been on the receiving end. This is the way she acts when she is in the hospital toward the staff. This is why she is released after 72 hours. I'm sure she told the staff during her previous hospital stays all kinds of terrible things about my parents and I so they would believe she was the victim.
Are you wondering if schizophrenics can turn on and off the crazy at will? The answer is yes - sometimes. They're not stupid. Self-preservation is a key motive in everyone. Sister doesn't want to be in the hospital. Patti told her that she was going to be civilly committed. She realized she had finally gone too far and there were going to be repercussions for her actions.
She went to court on August 2 and was civilly committed. What is a civil commitment? We don't know. Does is it involve therapy or some kind of health care? Not yet. It was a way for the ACT Team to relinquish their responsibility for her. They are no longer her mental health care providers. One thing we do know about a civil commitment is that it will show up on her public record and on background checks and could affect her ability to find a job. We wanted her to be committed to a hospital! We want a hospital and the healthcare system to be committed to her!
Mom called the ACT team. They called A and instructed her to contact the police. She did and the police picked her up and took her to Miller Dwan.
In the meantime Sister called me and told me that she had been threatening A and since I had not stopped abusing her or fucking Ryan she was going to call my childhood best friend's mother and torment her! I told her that was a great idea and she should definitely do that because then she would go to jail or to the hospital forever! Ok, this is admittedly not my best moment. But I am tired of this! I have always proclaimed for everyone to hear that Sister is the best person I know. That's not true anymore. Now she is an angry, violent, unreasonable, delusional, insane person. We've done all we can for her.
When Mom called the ACT team she broke down and cried. She asked why Sister was only prescribed 100 mg of Clozaril when the recommended dose is 300-450 mg. She is taking 1/3 of the proper dose! Before she went to CA she was taking 200 mg which was not enough. Patti had the psychiatric nurse listen in and talk via speakerphone. She explained that she told Sister to increase her dosage and sister always says she will but she does not. Dr. Glick no longer deals with Sister and has passed her on to the psychiatric nurse. Seems cruel for (both patient and professional) to give someone fresh out of college and doing an internship a difficult case! Then Mom started screaming, "well, put her in the hospital then! Or shoot her! Just kill her! Please just have the police shoot her because she can kill us but I can't live with it if she hurts A or someone else! Just put us all out of our misery and shoot her!"
Sister stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks. During this period she called Mom repeatedly and begged her for help. She said A was falsely accusing her. She admitted to calling A but claimed while she did whisper she didn't say anything violent or threatening. During these calls she seemed like her old self. She was extremely distressed and hurt to be accused of terrorizing her oldest friend. This confused Mom. She found herself believing Sister. She began to wonder if A could be making everything up. I tried to explain that this was not new behavior for Sister, it was new to us because we had never been on the receiving end. This is the way she acts when she is in the hospital toward the staff. This is why she is released after 72 hours. I'm sure she told the staff during her previous hospital stays all kinds of terrible things about my parents and I so they would believe she was the victim.
Are you wondering if schizophrenics can turn on and off the crazy at will? The answer is yes - sometimes. They're not stupid. Self-preservation is a key motive in everyone. Sister doesn't want to be in the hospital. Patti told her that she was going to be civilly committed. She realized she had finally gone too far and there were going to be repercussions for her actions.
She went to court on August 2 and was civilly committed. What is a civil commitment? We don't know. Does is it involve therapy or some kind of health care? Not yet. It was a way for the ACT Team to relinquish their responsibility for her. They are no longer her mental health care providers. One thing we do know about a civil commitment is that it will show up on her public record and on background checks and could affect her ability to find a job. We wanted her to be committed to a hospital! We want a hospital and the healthcare system to be committed to her!
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
the bitch is back
The hospital in California kept Sister longer than the other 5 hospitals she has been to in the last 7 months. However, it was not long enough.
They provided her with clothes and put her on a Greyhound bus back to Minnesota July 2. On the way to the bus station her taxi broke down. The trip took an extra day as her bus was late and she missed the transfer. When she returned to her Duluth she found a note on her car that said "please do not drive - you have a flat tire." Mom claims that both God and the Devil hate her as that can be the only explanation for so much bad luck.
July 8 Mom and Dad went to see her. They bought her a phone and fixed her flat tire. She seemed okay. She let Mom into her apartment which has not happened for months. She even gave Mom a hug when they said their goodbyes. She talked about returning to college and seemed to be making plans for the future.
July 9 Sister called me trying to extort $800 "for the pain and suffering you've caused me, you disgusting inbred bitch! If you don't give it to me NOW I will get you fired and burn your face, I will put your parents in wheelchairs." I reminded her that I was the one who paid for her bus ticket home so she owes me $320. She ignored that and continued to threaten me with violence if I don't pay her.
She has also beaten up both of my parents on separate occasions.
They provided her with clothes and put her on a Greyhound bus back to Minnesota July 2. On the way to the bus station her taxi broke down. The trip took an extra day as her bus was late and she missed the transfer. When she returned to her Duluth she found a note on her car that said "please do not drive - you have a flat tire." Mom claims that both God and the Devil hate her as that can be the only explanation for so much bad luck.
July 8 Mom and Dad went to see her. They bought her a phone and fixed her flat tire. She seemed okay. She let Mom into her apartment which has not happened for months. She even gave Mom a hug when they said their goodbyes. She talked about returning to college and seemed to be making plans for the future.
July 9 Sister called me trying to extort $800 "for the pain and suffering you've caused me, you disgusting inbred bitch! If you don't give it to me NOW I will get you fired and burn your face, I will put your parents in wheelchairs." I reminded her that I was the one who paid for her bus ticket home so she owes me $320. She ignored that and continued to threaten me with violence if I don't pay her.
She has also beaten up both of my parents on separate occasions.
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