heaven and california

I haven't written lately because Sister has been pretty quiet. She's very sad because she has begun to realize that there's something wrong. I hope she does not remember everything she did and said while she was psychotic because the guilt will eat her alive. She's always been the type of person who beats herself up for any slight hurt or discomfort she may have caused another person. I forgive her. My parents forgive her. We just want her to be ok.

I didn't hear from her for a few days. Dad said, "I think she's coming out of it!" He's been saying that every other day since Christmas only to be disappointed when her delusions rear their ugly heads again. On May 23 she called me ranting and raving and screaming hysterically. I was at work so I turned off my phone. I can't take her abuse anymore. I can't. Her friend C is moving to California and wanted Sis to drive there with her. C and Sis would drive the car while C's daughter and a friend drove the U-haul.  Dad surmised the trip was stressing Sis out. Stress makes her voices worse - meaner and louder. Dad begged her not to go.

Sis left for California on May 24. She has $10. C promised to pay for everyone's expenses including their bus tickets home. C is Sister's oldest (literally and figuratively) Duluth friend and has schizophrenia. I don't know what she will do without C. C's moving so far away is going to be really difficult for Sis. We didn't hear from Sis for a few days. May 28 she called me screaming obscenities and condensed her usual 15 minute rant into 90 seconds.

C bought a new car for the move to California. One of the reasons she invited Sis on the trip is C is paranoid about driving and wanted Sis to do most of the driving. Sis is also paranoid about driving. When she called me I was afraid that they had an accident. When I pleaded with her to tell me where she was she kept repeating, "I'm on my way to heaven, you fucking ugly cunt! You won't be able to stop me from committing suicide now will you, you disgusting bitch?" This terrified me.

Dad called Sis and found out that the apartment C had reserved was no longer available. She is trying to find an apartment but she has bad credit. Sis called me when C was at an interview. She was finally alone and able to let her pent up stress out... on me.

I don't know what is going on out there in California but it can't be going that well if she's talking about suicide and going to heaven.