This is a blog about my sister's struggle with schizophrenia. I will warn you at the outset that it is not going to be uplifting. It is not going to be hopeful. It is going to be desperate and tragic and full of rage.
My sister was diagnosed with schizophrenia 17 years ago. She has had many ups and downs but in recent years she has been doing well. She had a good job and went back to school. But last year was difficult as her best friend passed away and she had a series of personal setbacks. She suffered a total relapse a few months ago. She has been trapped in a terrifying delusional world ever since.
That is enough history for now. I'm just going to jump into the events of the past few days.
Her disease has progressed to the point that my parents and I have very little hope that she will survive much longer. She seemed to have a brief period remission in recent weeks but for the past 2 days she has been in a full-blown psychotic episode. She calls and texts my parents and I constantly. She threatens, bullies, and abuses us. Today she told my mother that she is going, "to rape that fucking ugly cunt {me} with a knife and a gun," and, "I am going to stab her to death," and, "I fantasize about drowning you in the lake." We are pretty immune to the things she says. She constantly swears at us and calls us names (this is behaviour she would never engage in when she is well) and tells me to kill myself all the time. But these new violent threats signify a serious progression of her illness. I have been the major focus of her delusions but my mother and brother are also targets of her wrath. Our father has been her main support and contact person. Yesterday she began calling dad "a fucking bitch," and "a fucking disgusting cunt." Now she is truly alone and has no one she trusts or can talk to. She has no link to the real world.
We are terrified that these changes in her illness signify that she is going to commit suicide or worse. My parents called the ACT team (more about the "people who get paid anyway" in future posts) whom Sis has worked with for the past 10 years and begged them to do something, to get her to the hospital and they said call the police. They have washed their hands of her and us. We did call the police a few months ago and Sis was hospitalized for 72 hours. In that time which in reality was 4 days as it was a weekend, she saw a pychaitrist and a psychologist for a total of 20 minutes. That was it. When she was released there was no plan, no after care, nothing. She was sicker when she got out than when she went in. Those with the best days in our lives in recent memory because we did not have to fear that she was dead.
Today my parents called our local police officer and set up a meeting with him to discuss options. She cannot be allowed to go on this. It is inhumane to allow a sick person to live for months untreated, without medical care. Schizophrenia is a no-fault medical disease. The police officer called the Duluth police. They went over to her apartment. S, the mother of my sister's friend who passed was at her house as my father had called her and informed her that sis was having an extremely difficult time. We do not want to involve the police because we do not believe all of them are trained to deal with the mentally ill. We are afraid the police will shoot her. We are afraid the situation will escalate because she is completely fucking insane and self-destructive right now. My father called S in the hopes that she could diffuse the situation if it became dangerous. She did, alright! She told the police there was nothing the matter. They believed her and left. Then S left. Now my sister is in a pychotic rage and all alone.
Meanwhile, my parents were subjected to a sermon by the police officer who seemed so nice and helpful. A sermon! Complete with a bible! He said, "It's the devil! I can prove it! It says blah blah blah right here! If you would only go to church and not on Sunday, on Saturday!" For real! He said that! He's not even the regular kind of crazy Christian, he's the weird go to church on Saturday kind of crazy Christian! When my parents told me this and the tears of frustration and hopelessness had passed mom said, "He seemed so nice, I was shocked when he turned out to be crazy!" I said, " Ha! You're one to talk - you are a life-long member of the church of crazy!" She said through peals of laughter, "Well, you're the pope of the church of crazy!" Gallows humor is the only kind we have left. All of my smiles died in December.
Now Sis is in a life or death crisis and there is NO ONE to call. We have already called everyone imaginable weeks and months ago. We were met with brick walls, silence, excuses. No help. No hope. No medical attention for a person with a long-term medical condition. We have not heard from her for over an hour. We needed a break. We needed a rest. We think we should call her. But we can't bear to hear her insane, accusatory voice - full of vitriol, pure hate and psychosis. We fear her silence means her illness has become terminal. Her doctor told us a few months ago we should be grateful that her illness is not terminal. But he was wrong. It is terminal. It has killed my family. It has killed every good thing in my sister's life. It has killed my parents. Will it finally kill my sister tonight? Does silence equal death?
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